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18/08/2005

Perfect Melancholies in the imperfect world

After reading ‘Personality Plus for Parents’ by Florence Littauer, I am convinced that I am a Sanguine and I am stuck with 2 very important people who are exactly the opposite of me. The exact opposite of Sanguine is the Melancholy.

Sanguines are called Popular Sanguines by Littauer and Melancholies are called Perfect Melancholies in her books.

Sanguines

They don’t do anything that is unfun and are motivated to buy something based on (not the budget) but how much they think they can derive from the purchase or object of purchase (GOD! How true, how true!). Sanguines are bright-eyed people who have their heads in the clouds all the time and have no regard for responsibilities that are either not-fun or boring (Cough! Cough!). They are usually the life of a party and make something menial sound like a drama or sitcom. They usually have a very good sense of humor and is big on drama and acting something out. They are very expressive people with very short attention spans. Starts everything, completes almost nothing. They love response, preferably a good one, but if there isn’t a choice, they’ll take the bad response as a good sign and look on the bright side of things. A bundle of energy and cannot sit for a long period of time. They have terrible memory because of their fleeting attention span and usually don’t care about remembering names because their own names are more important (That explains why I cannot remember names even though I’ve tried very hard to do just that). They have the ability to make a mistake, laugh about it and think nothing of it.

Now, that’s me and Jared (younger son). The Sanguine. Let’s take a look at Melancholies….my husband and Joshua (elder son) are, indisputably, Melancholies.

Melancholies

Melancholies are perfectionists. While the Sanguine will fleet from one project to the next, the Melancholies does not start something unless they are sure they can complete it PERFECTLY…and up to their own high self-imposed standards. While Sanguines are messy and don’t care about neatness (as long as they can function), Melancholies cannot function unless everything is in their right places! And if something is out of place or the way they shouldn’t be, the Melancholies will stop working and brood over the problem. Essentially, while Sanguines don’t think about the problem or analyze the situation too much (cause they don’t care if it’s not fun), the Melancholies love to analyze things and make plans and keep to it religiously. Any form of deviation is uncomfortable for the Melancholies.

They are a bunch of thoughtful, punctual and organized bunch of people who loves schedules and knowing what they go into. Sanguines will jump at the sight of anything that sounds remotely exciting, the Melancholies will brood, analyze, design a plan, organize, think and think and think and think about it until the cows come home! They want everything, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, to be nothing less than perfect.

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Joshua, for example, has the memory of an elephant. Just last night, he told me, “Mom, you know that chair up there?” (he pointed up to the top of closet where a disassembled table and chair were wrapped up and kept away). I nodded, “Yeah, I bought that for you a long time ago”. Joshua said, “Yeah, I know. There were fruits and elephants, tigers, and kangaroos on the table”. I cocked an eyebrow. “You remember?”

Joshua smiled, ‘Yes, I remember. When you took the chair and table apart. I cry and cry and cry for a very long time”

The funny thing is that….I don’t even remember that incident! And yet he did. It sounds very familiar, as if it’s something that did actually happen, but I don’t remember how it did and when it was. It was a long time ago! It was like, maybe happened like when Joshua was about 1 – 2 years old? He’s 5 now! And Josh has got to know everything there is to know about something, you know. How does this function, why you need oil for the car, where does the petrol go to when you put it into the tank? Why does the car have 4 wheels and not two like a motorbike? How come you're my mom? Why is grandma my grandma and how come his grandma is not my grandma? Why are books made out of paper and not plastic? Really deep stuff.....to me, at least. I mean, how would I know? This is something his dad, also a Melancholic, will be able to answer. I mean, my husband is also constantly on a quest to finding answers to everything. Like meditation, yoga, answer to after-life, philosophy, religion, etc. They're two peas in a pod, really.

Me and Jared are action people. Drama people, so, it's no wonder all that thinking is exasperatingly lost on us....

He, Joshua, also needs his own space all the time – and that’s part of the reason why we’re moving out of the in-laws’ home. He wants to have a place to call his own – and being a 5-year-old, I can understand that – I would want to have the same thing myself. And from dealing with my husband (also a Melancholy), I know it’s important for them to have some space where they can be by themselves and brood, think and do yoga, read or just laze around.

Joshua also hates going out in his pajamas. I mean, I hate to admit this in my own blog but I sometimes don’t like changing in and out of my own clothes because it’s bothersome so I sometimes drive to the 7-11 in my pajamas and then run in and out of the store in like 15 seconds or something! To Joshua (and my husband), that’s unacceptable. Joshua once refused to enter McDonalds (this is a major turning point! Joshua? Refusing to enter McDonalds?? No Way! Get out of here!) because he wasn’t dressed for it.

Joshua is also broody and moody all the time. When he’s happy, being a child, of course he will go over the moon about it but most of the time, Joshua is thinking and evaluating. He has a very active imagination (his teacher told me that he is a dreamer but his imagination is admirable) and can become very musical or poetic. Joshua also hates noise and commotion. Like when I am yelling my lungs out at Jared for misbehaving, Joshua will hide himself under the blanket and try to inch of the room unnoticed without coming out from under the blanket (yes, this actually happened!)

Melancholies are also extremely sensitive people – beyond words. Sanguines can be a bunch of insensitive, self-centered people but that’s not it with Melancholies. Joshua was very disturbed with the fact that one of his cousins finished off all the cornflakes without leaving a single one for her brother. The brother was crying buckets about not having any more cornflakes to eat and Joshua kept telling me this story over and over and over again the entire day.

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