Marsha Maung:: Freelance graphic designer and writer

Forget the mandarin oranges, they stink up a car or lift. Forget the ang pows, they’re nothing but $2 worth of red paper meant to be thrown away, anyway. Forget about the cakes and cookies, they make you fat.

Now, lion dances…. THAT’s what Chinese New Year is all about. I don’t know whether I’ve written about lion dances before or not…like last Chinese New Year but every year, they awe me. These young blokes dressed in tight shirts, long baggy pants looking all prancy and loose are something. They’re really something.

The Lion Dance dates as far back as the Ching and Haan Dynasties and they are performed to bring ward off the evil, bring good luck, prosperity, health and happiness to the people who gather around to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at them. I have to admit that I am one of those who gasp when they perform something tricky. I am also one of those who clap loudly and cheer like a kid when their leap is as high as a two-storey building! No kidding. I mean, my sister-in-law was telling me that last year, the front guy into the air and the head of the lion hit the bottom of the second floor bridge and both fell off the poles. But thanks to their Kung-Fu training, they know, better than anyone else, how to FALL properly.

The grace and agility of those lion dancers are absolutely magnificent. There’s nothing easy about the way they leap from one pole to another, balancing like a ballerina (only more masculine, rougher and faster) crouch and STILL remembering to move those ears and eyes. A lion dance is more than just a display of agility and strength. It’s drama too. The lions express fear, apprehension, anxiety, happiness, jubilance and anger. The lion dancers skillfully and artfully control the lion’s actions without forgetting where to jump to next.

Many people were busy throwing ang pows at the lions and picking up mandarins when I saw a few of the troop members come up with extra boxes of mandarins behind the dancer on the back. They were running out of mandarins to throw out. So, these members pass the oranges to the back person and the back person passes it on to the front person. And the front person throws the mandarins out of the lion’s mouth!

And did you know that there are different types of lion dances? I didn’t but I DID notice that some lions are different.

<the Southern Lion> 

The Southern Lion Dance and the Northern Lion Dance. I personally like the Southern Lion Dance better. Although it’s not more realistic but because of the way the lion is shaped and designed (with as few restrictions to movement as possible), the performance is always more amazing! The Southern Lion may ‘look’ more realistic (I don’t know about that – I’ve never SEEN a dragon before, have I?) but the Northern Lion merely prances around and is often have limited capabilities. And they’re just not as pretty.

 <To the right, the Northern Lion>

My favorite part of the whole Lion Dance performance is usually the time when the Lion is trying to grab (albeit, eat) the choy cheng. That’s the payment for the lion dance, by the way. For those who are unfamiliar, among all those poles, one of them has some vegetables and red packet containing money (payment for the performance) in it. The Lion will take the payment by ‘eating’ the vegetable (and the payment). Hee hee! But that’s not what I am interested in. I am more intrigued by the drama that leads to the ‘eating’. The Lion will climb the poles and see the ‘chow cheng’. And then approaches the ‘choy cheng’ very carefully and apprehensively. Many times, the lion will stop and look around, wonder if it’s safe or not to take the ‘choy cheng’. It will hesitate, look around, turn around, jump back, come forward again…etc, just to be sure that the ‘choy cheng’ is safe to take. And then the Lion will perform a very special ‘3 star’ routine to be sure that no one is there to take the choy cheng from it, ward off others who may be nearby and then grab the ‘choy cheng’.

Such drama. I love it!! There’s one at my new condo tomorrow. I won’t miss it for the world.

Things I learnt after moving out of the safe confines of in-laws’ home and my own home.

1. When using plastic gloves to wash dishes, you lose the use of your touch (feel) faculty. Use eyes when washing dishes.

2. Dust is not only on your PC. Dust is EVERYWHERE.

3. Ants are hateful creatures. Worse than vultures! And worse yet, they are also very vengeful. Kill one hundred of their brothers (or sisters), a thousand of their kind will come raid your kitchen and dustbins. Thankfully, ants are not very smart creatures. They don’t know and can’t remember what a mortein (insect killer) can looks like.

4. It takes so painfully long to cook, and very short time to eat (spill, throw, stuff in fridge)

5. Each component in a cuisine (albeit dish) is delicately handcrafted by an art master. Read: Have to cut carrot, potato, onion, garlic, vegetable, and whateverelsethereisinthedumbdish each one individually one meh? Cannot cut all at one go?? Someone should design something like this.

6. There’s a very important reason why knives are made sharp – they CUT!!! Wash and use carefully.

7. Clothes don’t wash, dry, fold and return themselves to closet without human intervention

8. The toilet don’t flush, wash and clean itself. Keep soap at safe height.

9. One can actually get bored of canned food. (amazing discovery here. I thought we could actually feed the kids canned food until they are 18)

10. Food doesn’t grow in fridges and freezers.

Book Review: Demon Seed

Let me start this book review by saying that I am a Dean Koontz fan. I used to be hardcore, but ever since having my kids, I dropped the Koontz books and opted for Miriam Stoppard instead. But now my kids are a little bit more independent, I am back to Koontz. Now, the book….Demon Seed, eh?

Hhmmm…an artificial intelligence program gone awry. A psychopathic, maniacal computer malfunctioning causing mayhem within the house that it (he) controls. A woman spending her life trapped and abused by men…and then now, a computer (also a man, it seems to believe).

I admit, the concept of a psychopathic computer trying to manipulate the feeble human race is nothing new. There has been movies and books…and songs written about it. The concept itself is intriguing – although at times laughable, I assure you. But it’s all in good fun. You’ve just got to leave everything behind, logic, facts, doubts, everything behind. Pretend you’re not smart at all.

Demon Seed is indeed revolutionary by virtue of the fact that the book was first published when I was born…(that’s 1973, by the way) and when I was born, the smartest computer probably weighed about 10 tons! So, for Dean Koontz to write something like this in complete detail is probably quite a bit of a challenge. But Dean Koontz rewrote it in 1997, 20 years later, adding some newer gadgets and technology bits into it. The Internet, intranetworking systems, genetic engineering…blah blah blah…like I know the difference.

The most interesting thing about Demon Seed is that Dean Koontz wrote this in the first person voice. Which means to say that the entire book is a narrative from the computer. Often you’ll find the psychopathic computer trying to reinforce a point by repeating itself…like I am a kind soul. I am a kind soul. I really am a kind soul. I am a really, really, REALLY kind soul. Pretty much the way a psychopathic computer should act – I suppose. Or perhaps even child of 2 who is trying to get an extra lollipop. Who knows?

But the fact that the book was written in the first voice is very fresh and interesting. It gives us a very refreshing look into the purported behavior of a computer that malfunctions and begins to develop what it (he) thinks are feelings and emotions. However, this advantage is also the DISadvantage. Miss Susan Harris, the lead female character in this story, lacks a voice. Very little chance is given to the female lead to tell us, the readers, what is going through her mind except through the computer’s narrative about what he sees.

The innocence and confusion of the computer is also quite intriguing. In fact, its attempts to be sexy and as humanly as possible is hilarious! I don’t want to spoil your fun but then there was a point where the computer wanted to appear sexy (duh!?) to Susan and the only data it (he) could gather on sexiness is from books and whatever that is published on the Internet. Therefore, he often said things like…. “I think your breasts are really pretty”. Guffaw!! Guffaw! Choke! Ssssseeeeexxxxyyyyy…….

I have very few complaints about this book but one of the biggest complaints about it is the fact that the ending was so rushed I didn’t have the time to absorb it, no time to feel anything apart from….it’s ended? When? My suggestion would have been for Dean Koontz to have given the last few paragraphs or the last chapter to Miss Susan and tell us her side of the story.

It would have been perfect then.

It would have been perfect.

It would.

Really, it would have been perfect.

Simply perfect.